10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared Top 10 lists on a wide variety of aspects of attachment parenting and natural living. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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In a class I took on Positive Discipline awhile back, one concept really resonated with me. “Let the Routine Be The Boss“ involves creating routines or procedures around specific parts of the day, or frequently encountered situations, to avoid conflict or power struggles before they begin.  This allows you, the parent, to not be the “bad guy” constantly repeating requests or  nagging to get your agenda accomplished — the routines simply become “the way it is”, a part of the day accepted and understood by all — something you work together to do.  Kids, and frankly, most of us — love and thrive on routines, and over the past few years we’ve stumbled upon or actively created some in our family that help shape our day and point us in the right direction.

Meal planning: For me, meal planning is generally pretty simple — I map out the weeks meals (usually just dinner, though I strive for doing lunches, breakfasts, & snacks too!) on Sundays if possible, or whenever I can get to it (some weeks, this is never, but I try!).  I plan using our fairly plentiful pantry of staples and extra freezer, so I am often just shopping once a week.  I write in a fair bit of flexibility, coming up with a list of meals but not always assigning each one a day so that we can meld the meals to our moods and schedule.  Having a written reminder of what I am serving each day eliminates so much stress — as well as keeping us from sliding into bad food habits.

Emma's birthday dinner -- she got to choose the menu this day!

Creating a Feeding Division of Responsibility:  This meal planning carries over into how we approach eating and feeding with our kids, as well.  Awhile back I read a book about feeding (Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter) one thing in particular resonated with me:  in our family (beyond the infant/early toddler ages!), there is a division of responsibility with regard to food.  We, the parents, are in charge of choosing WHAT foods are offered, and WHEN and WHERE they are served, our children decide for themselves IF they will eat, and HOW MUCH.  That means in our house, we generally don’t cater to specific food requests, or feed a child any time she asks.  The girls get what Lonnie or I serve, which is generally what is on the meal plan (on paper or just in our heads).  Snacks and meals come fairly often and are very regular (Emma and I are both sensitive to low blood sugar), but it’s not a free-for-all.  Otherwise, I’d be making or cleaning up after one kid or another all day long!   As with anything, we are flexible depending on the circumstances and try hard to keep in mind everyone’s preferences, but having a plan and policy in place has helped SO much with food badgering, picky eating, and cleanup around here.  Sooooo worth it!

Containment Works!

Cubbies: About a year ago, I purchased some shelves with cubbies for our cramped entryway.  The collection of coats, shoes and bags times 5 were out of control, and I knew there had to be a better way to contain the chaos.  The unit we bought has a 4 by 2 arrangement, so each girl now has two cubbies, a open top one for coats and sweatshirts, a bottom one with a pull out basket for shoes (I also have two cubbies for most often used shoes, Lonnie puts his in his office down the hall).  There are also two fabric tubs on top of the cubbies where I put my bags and purses, items that are heading out (library books, mail, shopping bags, items to be delivered to someone, etc).  I try to hang my coats in the hall closet, but they admittedly also pile up here sometimes, too!

Once we had the cubbies, I created a few routines around it that help so much.  Each time we are heading out, the girls are responsible for going to the cubbies to pick out their own shoes and coats. I try to keep out of it as much as I can, as they can be really particular about the clothing choices!  When we return, they are SUPPOSED to take off shoes/coats and put them in their place before doing ANYTHING else.  We are still working on that one, admittedly, but they do accept this one as law and when I point out a coat or stray shoe on the ground, they will usually return it without complaint or nagging.

One of the only photos I have of our toy rotation tubs!

Toy Rotation:  I SWEAR by toy rotation, this helps me SO MUCH each and every day!  The concept is fairly simple:  we do not keep all our toys out, or all in one place.  I keep some things in tubs or on shelves in the basement, some in activity bags that are not out all the time.  Each day (or every few days), I trade out some toys or manipulatives for others, so that the toys stay fresh, and the girls stay interested and engaged with them.

Some basics do stay out most of the time, but even with those I find if I move them to a new location, or combine them with other toys or even put them in a new container, the  girls jump into them with renewed interest.  Some toys or activities are not part of the regular rotation at all, and get pulled out for special times (travel, the car, doctors office, etc) or particular location (this game/activity stays in your room, you can play with it when you want to be by yourself, or during quiet time). The “novelty factor” that this creates helps with independent play a TON, and is often all I need to turn around a grumpy mood or break up arguing siblings.

Up/Down Bags and Baskets – okay, this is mostly an organizational one for me, but I’ll toss it in here as well.  Since we have a three story house, it’s easy for clutter to build up waiting to go back to it’s proper floor.  Awhile back I instituted a decorative basket on our main front stairs, that fills with stuff to go up or down (jammies, cups for the bathroom, toys, barrettes and hair things, etc).  On the closed door to the basement stairs, I hang a zippered bag that holds things to go downstairs (often toy parts needing to get put back with it’s set, or items for our storeroom).  This is such a little thing, but it’s really helped me!

Turn Taking: This obviously applies mostly to families with more than one child.  It used to be that Emma was the only chooser or do-er of many fun things during our day, but as the younger girls have gotten older, they deserve a chance too!  For some things, we do a straight forward rotating system —  Emma, Elsie, Delia — like for choosing who goes with us for one-on-one outings on the weekends (usually shopping or errands, ha ha).

Another time the girls get to “choose” is  for TV — Oh, the drama that ensues when all three girls shout out (or argue over) their favorite shows!  For awhile I tried to keep track based on the basic rotating system, but I could not for the life of me remember whose turn it was. I recently switched to a two day system that works GREAT, as we often watch 2 times a day (in the AM when I’m showering and in the PM when I’m cooking dinner). One day, it’s Emma’s and Elsie’s days to choose  (the two “E”s), the next day it’s Delia and MY turn to choose.  For some reason, this much easier for me to remember, and putting myself in the rotation is awesome because I get to introduce new shows I’d like them to watch OR I skip it and we don’t watch at all.  There is another way of doing all this that I’ve heard about from a triplet mama — having a “kid of the day” that gets to choose (or help with) EVERYTHING for their day, which is very intriguing to me.  But, I am not ready to commit to that, at the ages my kids are at.  Maybe someday!

Yep, we have assigned seats now in the car

Assigned seats -- In a similar vein, this helps with car and table drama.  Each kid has assigned seats in the car, as well as at the dinner table.  The car seats rotate every month or so for the little ones (they both want the far back, usually) but Emma has a different carseat that is her own, that never changes.  At the dinner table, we’ve recently instituted assigned seats that last for two weeks at a time.  So far, so good (it helps that we have a large calendar RIGHT next to the dinner table).

Timers - I recently got this great visual timer — the Time Timer — that has really helped my girls and me at various points in our day.  It’s a 60 minute timer that works by showing how much time remains before some sort of transition or event happens.  When the red runs out (and a very quiet chime rings), our time is up.  I use it for clean up time (clean up will happen in X minutes, or let’s clean for X minutes!), meal time (lunch will end in 40 minutes, so you can play with your silverware/talk/sing, but make sure you are done eating by then!), getting ready to leave the house, and  quiet time (Emma generally rests for 30 min in bed with stories, then can be up playing with toys in her room for the remaining 30 before coming down on her own).  Regular timers can also work for this stuff, of course! And then there’s our nightlight on a timer, which I love for helping with nightweaning and to0-early-bird wakeups!

Daily schedules – Though we don’t have a written down schedule, our day does have a flow to it, that we stick to fairly rigidly.  We didn’t have this so much with just one child, but with three young ones, it really, really helps! For me, as well as them!  What we’ve lost in spontaneity, we’ve gained in predicability, which for us right now, is worth it.  All three girls generally know what is going to a happen next in our day, and while there is some variation (especially in the mornings), they KNOW that some things will always happen — meals, playtimes, naps, bath and bedtime routines.  Nap/quiet time is a given, not up for discussion, ever.  TV times are fairly set in stone, too, so if it’s not one of those times, they know not to ask for it. Family dinner happens every day (I know we are lucky to have this!) and is a great way to reconnect and start the transition to bedtime…

Bedtime routines –  I cannot say enough about how important this has been for our family!  Oh how I have struggled at times with three challenging sleepers, but I feel like the sleep and bedtime routines we have been working on since Emma’s early toddlerhood (as we were planning for Elsie and Delia’s arrival) have served us so well, and it’s hard now to imagine our lives without them!  Every day is the same (boring, I know!), dinner, cleanup, baths or playtime, teeth, jammies, stories, nursing for E & D, and into bed.  Blackout shades, white noise machine, and lullaby music is the same every night as well.  We pretty much always start and end at the same time, too with us leaving their rooms by 7-7:15pm.  This has not always been the case — for a looooong time we worked on it, in different ways and bit by bit, to get to where we are.  But for us, the repetition of both the timing and order, every single day, has paid off, big time.

I know many of these systems (or routines, philosophies, etc) are pretty specific to our own unique family circumstances, and obviously won’t work for everyone!  But I do think the concept of putting systems and routines in place, and “letting the  routine be the boss” can really, really  help, especially in families with young children or multiple children.   This has all been a gradual process for us, and we are far, FAR from finding our way through it all, but it’s a start!

What are the family routines that work best for you?  What parts of the day or parts of the house are most challenging for you?  Please share what works (or doesn’t) in your household!

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Attachment Parenting in the NICU — Erica at ChildOrganics shares some strategies to help you parent naturally in some unnatural circumstances.
• 10 Reasons to Choose Baby Led Weaning — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares ten reasons to choose Baby Led Weaning when it comes to solids.
• Choosing to Breastfeed — From selfishness to self-giving, CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy lists reasons why breast is best for her and her family.
• Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Before Little Man — In this reflective post, The ArstyMama discusses ten things she wishes she knew more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.
• 10 Things That Helped Me Become a Natural Mama — The Accidental Natural Mama counts down ten things that helped her find her moderately crunchy inner mama self.
• Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler — Extended breast-feeder Kate Wicker of Momopoly makes her own top 10 list for why she loves nursing her 2-year-old.
• Top 10 Tips on Authentic Grandparenting — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting offers a list of tips to make the grandparent-parent-child relationship flow smoothly.
• Top Ten “Dad” Things — Liam at In The Now talks about his favourite ways to spend time with his children.
• Top 10 Natural Strategies for Conception (aka How to Get Pregnant!) — Despite facing plenty of health issues, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama found her way to two first-try pregnancies thanks to these natural strategies.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Home Birth Rocks — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares her passion for birthing at home – the natural place for natural birth.
• Top 10 reasons why cloth nappies are fun — Tat at Cloth Nappies Are Fun shows how using cloth nappies can brighten up your day.
• Top Ten Ways to Be Present With Family — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares how to make the most of parenting and family life through being present.
• Top 10 Things In My Arsenal of Kitchen Witchy Mama Tricks. — Joni Rae at Tales of A Kitchen Witch shares with us the simple things she would never want to be missing from her cupboards.
• Top 10 ways I’m not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway) — Jenny at Babyfingers shares the ways she is imperfect as a natural parent, and why she embraces natural parenting anyway.
• Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent — So what makes us “natural parents,” anyway? A lighthearted look at the Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent by the editors and readers of Natural Parents Network.
• The Top 10 Things Every Natural Household (with children) Should Have — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro shares a list of the most common natural products and remedies she uses for health and cleaning.
• Top 10 books for raising loving, spiritual children — In her ‘food for the soul’ post, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her favourite spiritual books. No matter what religion you practise, there’s something for everyone!
• Top 10 Things No One Told Me About Natural Parenting — Adrienne at Mommying My Way explains that the best things about natural parenting are things she never expected.
• Top 10 Flower Essences for Families — Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings lists her pick of the top ten flower essence which can help ease families through the ups and downs of life.
• My Top Ten Parenting Tools — Amyables at Toddler In Tow names the top ten tools that have been helpful to her while learning to parent respectfully and successfully.
• Ten Ways Families Can Enjoy Nature (for free!) — Spring is nearly in the air, and Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction is dreaming of the fun and frugal ways that her family is going to get out and enjoy nature this summer.
• 10 Reasons We Unschool — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains why unschooling is the right choice for her family.
• Must Read: Natural Parenting Top Ten — Amy at Anktangle wants you to do a little reading! She shares her top ten favorite books to help parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
• Top 10 Breastfeeding Misconceptions — Sheila at A Gift Universe examines ten reasons women give for why they didn’t breastfeed as long as they wanted, and shows how these obstacles can be overcome.
• Ten Reasons to Plan a Home Birth — Since a home birth can be an incredibly empowering experience, Leslie at Lights and Letters outlines ten reasons why you should plan to have your baby at home.
• Top Ten Books for Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting — Megan at Just Me(gan) writes about the ten books that have helped her the most in her natural parenting journey.
• A Top Ten Letter To Me… — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes herself a letter of reflections and bits of wisdom she would have liked to know as a new mama.
• Top Ten Mama Necessities Money Can’t Buy — Buying baby gear is fun, but Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama knows real parenting must-haves can’t be bought in stores (or even on Amazon).
• Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine talks about her Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum.
• Ten Great Spring Activities To Do With Preschoolers — Kellie at Our Mindful Life and her family have come up with a great list of activities to do together this spring.
• 10 Ways to Reuse Yogurt Containers — Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes keeps the stacks of yogurt containers out of her recycling bin by reusing them in both practical and creative ways.
• Top Ten Ways To Have a Harmonious Home — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her natural parenting-inspired methods for maintaining a harmonious daily life with her toddler.
• 10 Natural Baby Items I Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares product ideas to support your natural parenting.
• The Pandas’ Top Five Crunch-osophies — Top five crunchy philosophies, as employed at the Panda Residence by Ana at Pandamoly.

• Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Son Intact — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children has shared 10 reasons why you should leave your newborn son intact.
• Ten things everyone should know about unassisted homebirth — Olivia at Write About Birth shares practical tips for women considering an unassisted homebirth and debunks some common myths
• 10 Most Popular Ways To Treat Cloth Diaper Stains — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey gives ten easy tips to make your diapers like new.
• 10 Lessons in 1 Year — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares 10 parenting lessons that she has learned throughout her first year of motherhood.
• Top 10 Ways to Get Breastfeeding Off To a Good Start — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares 10 effective ways to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start.
• Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out — If you are uncomfortable using time-outs in an attempt to control your child’s behavior, try one of these gentler alternatives. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out.
• My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures — Dulce de leche is learning to integrate faith and parenting. Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting her children, or gentle discipline, she finds that the Bible has beautiful passages to encourage her on her journey.
• Natural Cleaning Ideas – Top 10 — Laura at Laura’s Blog lists the ways she keeps her house clean and clear of chemicals.
• My Top Ten (plus two) Life Altering and Growth Inspiring Books — A top ten list of books from MJ at Wander Wonder Discover that changed her life as an individual, a parent, and an earth dweller.
• Top 10 Ways to Use Natural Parenting for Children with Special Needs — Danielle at Mommy Makes Cents feeds the needs of her family and special needs child through the use of Natural Parenting.
• Ten Fundamentals — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante gets philosophical with a list of the fundamentals that drive her natural parenting.
• 10 reasons why I chose breast over bottles — Becky at Old New Legacy writes a quick list of why she chose breast over bottles.
• Top Ten Natural Tools for the Work of Play — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree offers insight into 10 natural toys that will span the early years (and save you money).
• 10 differences between pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry gives her impressions about differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US.
• Natural Parenting Benny & Bex Style — Pecky at Benny and Bex explains why Natural Parenting principles work best for her boys.
• Top 10 Reasons to Co-Sleep — 10 practical, emotional, and completely selfish reasons to co-sleep and share a family bed from Lily, aka Witch Mom.
• My Top Ten New Mommy Moments — Melissa at The New Mommy Files recounts the ten most memorable moments of her daughter’s first year.
• Top Ten Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Needs to Know — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood believes knowledge is power and wants all moms to be well informed.
• Top 10 Nursing Positions / Situations — Momma Jorje uses her 5½ years of nursing experience to share her Top 10 Nursing Positions/Situations. She includes some adorable photos of her youngest daughter at the breast.
• Ten Top Ways to Connect Kids with Nature — Terri from Child at the Nature Isle offers 10 ways to immerse ourselves in the natural world and develop a love affair with the Earth.
• Top 10 Slacker Ways to Natural Parent — Guavalicious is happy to show you how to parent naturally the slacker way.
• Simply what it looks like — Andrea!!! from Ella-Bean & Co. offers a glimpse into natural parenting through the eyes of mama and babe.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Natural Parenting Dads Are So Attractive — Nada at miniMOMist sure digs her husband, but it’s not just his good looks — it’s his parenting!
• 10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us — See what routines, organizational systems, and parenting approaches work for Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings to help avoid conflict and maintain sanity in a family with three young children.
• Top 10 reasons to choose midwifery care — Lauren at Hobo Mama lists the features that drew her to midwives’ care for pregnancy and birth.
• 10 Ways to Cloth Diaper on a Budget — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her best thrifty cloth diapering tips.
• Ten Reasons it Felt Sew Good To Make My Own Play Food — Brittany at Mama’s Felt Cafe lists her 10 (OK, 11) favorite reasons to grab a needle and start sewing your own felt play toys.
• Top10 Ways to Spark Interest, Learn, and Have Fun With Everyday Tasks! — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon gives you her top 10 ways of incorporating fun and lessons into everyday tasks and chores.
• Postpartum Gift Ideas — Alicia at I Found My Feet suggests a top 10 list of gifts for mother’s after giving birth.
• My Top Ten Shows Worthy Of Screen Time — Tree at Mom Grooves shares her top ten list of shows that she believes are positive, educational, kind, joyful, and a nice way to share some downtime with your children.
• The Top 10 Ways to Succeed as an Working Attachment Parent — That Mama Gretchen shares tried and true ways to succeed with attachment parenting even when working away from home during the day.
• Top Ten Books for Natural Parenting — Pregnancy, herbs, cooking, and healthcare the ten books Asha at Meta Mom the most.
• Preparing for a Hospital VBAC: My Top 10 — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis shares 10 ways she’s preparing for her upcoming hospital VBAC.
• Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools — Wolfmother shares her most beloved motherhood survival tools at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives her top 10 list of Montessori principles parents can use to encourage their children s natural learning.
• Going Granola — Tashmica from The Mother Flippin’ Blog describes the 10 ways that natural parenting sneaked up on her. She never expected to go all granola on the world.
• Step Away From the Amazon List — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wishes she hadn’t bought so much useless stuff.

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