On various parenting forums I am on, people sometimes worry (preemptively) about how to juggle more than one kid, especially when it comes to sleep and putting kids to bed. When you have a needy, challenging sleeper for kid number one, this fear is definitely multiplied! Here is my response to someone who was asking specifically about putting kids to bed when it is just you (one adult). Ah, a topic near and dear to my heart…sleep! (This was an attachment parenting group, so it has a AP bent to it. Which is basically our style, anyway!)
As soon as I was pregnant, we started working on getting Emma (then 16 month old) sleeping more independently. I know some families make the family bed work with several kids, but I just didn’t think it would for us, especially with twins on the way! She was a challenging sleeper and very dependent on mama for getting to/staying asleep (nursing to sleep, nursing for all wakeups, very hard to get down for naps etc). So once we found out we were pregnant (and actually about a month before we knew) we started making gradual changes. Baby steps, towards the goal of more independent sleep. Nightweaning, falling asleep without being held/rocked, sleeping in her own bed (but with with mama), sleeping first stretch alone…..eventually (many many months later, actually a bit after the twins were born) learning to fall asleep without someone lying there with her. It really was a slow, organic process, but for us laying the foundation for the changes, and easing into it, worked.
The trick that worked for us for getting her to fall asleep by herself was this: I made a bunch of CDs with 2-3 books on CD (things she liked and was familiar with at first) and then "sleepytime music" to listen to after I had done the bedtime routine with her. They ran about 45 min or so. I would do the naptime routine, read a book or two (with babies in a sling/nursing or in a bouncer/exersaucer/playing on the floor) then put in the CD. I would tell her I would check in in a bit, and did as soon as I got the babies to sleep. She almost always was asleep when I came back. It felt like a miracle! We did this at night (going up to check on her every few minutes at first), and still do for naps/bedtime at age 3.5. Sometimes when she wakes in the middle of the night or in the early AM she will put the CDs in herself now!
Routines and sleep schedules were and are important for us. We REALLY stick to the schedule, which was hard and very different for me at first, but with multiple kids it just made everyone happier. I think it helped Emma to accept nap and bedtime more, as well. It doesn’t mean not nursing on demand or not honoring everyones needs – it just meant keeping naps and meal times at a very regular time whenever possible (especially once the little ones are a bit older and more settled — 4-6 months or so for us?). I think with two kids (versus my 3) you can be a little less rigid — I know many other folks who have managed without doing this. But its worked for us and I highly recommend it!
I found I did have to do some things differently with my twins, especially in terms of holding them all the time (they got used to being put down more early on!) and sleep. My little ones were born better sleepers than their older sister (and learned to sleep through a lot more), but we still had challenges and I had to do some sleep work to get them to sleep out of arms, etc. It was HARD, but I did it as gently as I could given the circumstances (for us, the Amby Hammocks were key to getting them sleeping on their own as infants). One of those things that you just bumble through, I think. And I guess just suck it up as best you can knowing this phase will pass..
Other ideas for making evenings and bedtimes managable:
- wearing/nursing the baby in a wrap/sling while tending to the older one
- "Toddler or Preschool Activity Bags" — Google that for ideas! I had a bunch of these (a bunch from a group trade, some I made myself) and they were total lifesavers for keeping the oldest quiet and busy while tending to the babies.
- Shared baths for the kids early on (we had several bath seats that worked from infancy on, until they were sitting on their own
- Or baths earlier in the day to make bedtime routines easier
- Staggered bedtimes (oldest reading/quiet playing while you put the baby to sleep, etc)
- Lying down with both (all 3!) kids, nursing baby(s) to sleep while oldest falls asleep, then sneaking away with baby (Emma’s bed is a full, so we fit in hers, but I would also do this for naps in our bigger bed).
- I know not everyone is okay with this, but I do use TV/DVDs for my oldest in order to put my twins to sleep for AM nap (not at night though)
- Slow Cooker for dinners, making double and freezing, breakfast for dinner, or anything you can do ahead of time so that you don’t have to cook in the evening
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