So, breastfeeding. I’ve been avoiding writing about this topic this time around, even though its the number one thing I do (and obsess about) these days, hands down.
After all the issues I went through with Emma, a lot of this is old hat, and writing about it here would just be rehashing all the same stuff. The short story — I have mild PCOS, and because of it (most likely) my body does not make enough milk. The list of things I’ve done and tried is LONG, the number of people and resources I’ve consulted is MANY, but the fact remains that despite all that I do (or ingest), the milk does not overfloweth. The girls are not gaining as well as they should, and trying to balance both formula supplementation and breastfeeding (times two) is running me ragged.
The first time around I swore I would not throw in the towel, but this time, I am not so sure. There are a million times a day when I think about just getting over myself and switching to formula full time. Basically, the time needed for them to get milk from me is greater than I am able to give. Feeding literally around the clock got them a fair bit of milk for awhile, but now, even nursing both babies All Day Long — long sessions more often than every 2 hours plus supplementing —is not cutting it. The amount of "top off" bottles is rising to the point that it seems like all I do (still!) is nurse, prep bottles, bottlefeed, clean bottles. Repeat, repeat, repeat. And I don’t even see much weight gain to make it feel worthwhile! Gah.
Just quit! you tell me. I know, I know. But the thing is, we all really like breastfeeding. I believe in breastfeeding, not only for the health benefits but the emotional attachment as well. And the babies love to nurse — they won’t take pacifiers and nursing is often the sure fire way to soothe, calm or get them to sleep. Even when they are full after a bottle they will often want to nurse. And I don’t mind this. In fact, I like it. I just don’t like the worry of being an inadequate food source. Or the constant pill and tincture popping and stressing about stimulating my supply enough by nursing frequently, which basically chains me to the house and my nursing chair.
So, I am not really sure what is going to happen. I think they are getting a fair bit of milk from me still, and I know any amount of breast milk is good for their health. But, we are upping the formula quite a bit, and I could easily see them weaned in a few months — that is often what happens as they learn the bottle is where the bulk of their nutrition is coming from. Maybe, though, since they are such comfort nursers, they will stick around and nurse too. I am not going to cut them off, in any case, so if they want to nurse I will let them, happily! Just not as long and often as they have been….
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What a rough situation. Because they’re such comfort nursers can you do 3/4 formula at the start of the feed and then put them to breast? (I’m not sure how that would change things, but it may get more calories into them?) It’s going to stink for them to wean early, but you’ve done such a good job this far!
You are the most dedicated breastfeeder I know–you have gone above and beyond what 99% of mamas would do. I hope you know that. No matter what you choose to do (or what the twins decide), you need to give yourself a hearty pat on the back (or a day at the spa??!?) for giving it your all +++. I wish it was easier for you, but since it’s not, I just hope you give yourself a lot of grace because you deserve it. No matter what, your girls are loved and loved and loved, and that’s what will sink in deep.
Thanks you guys, it means a lot to hear your kind words and encouragement. Lindsay, the 3/4 in a bottle then breastfeeding is kind of what is happening here, and its working well. Sometimes they will take the breast first, other times after, but they are still nursing so thats good news at least.
Hey Kristin! I would never tell you to “just quit,” I am still shocked that women who want to breast feed get that advice, as if it never crosses their mind or is a replacement for real support) I am sure my partner (and fellow Pacific Northwester) Karey would be willing to talk to you about other strategies (namely how she got her milk production up by pumping after every feeding and now by drinking hoppy beer(!) I am sure she has other gentle non judgmental suggestions as well. oh, and congrats for blogging, I totally slacked off by the time Ronia was actually born.